Omg i just love this photo.
Did not know i have a natural ability to pout so well.
Ok my face looks kind of fat so it`s like some maplestory pig face LOL.
So do i look cute?
I know you want me *acts sexy* Hahaha jkjk i feel so disgusted myself.
I think i am better off acting pure and innocent.
It is my natural ability since i am like an *angel* hahas.
Hey because i am such a good girl that is why i got my angel vibe ^_^.

Hello guys i am back to blog blog~







:).







Ok today will be a more lighthearted yet "give a more deeper thought" post.







Well, recently have been hearing my mum saying "ahh, the young li ling and now is so totally different".







"Different?" This is what comes into my mind.







Therefore, i will keep questioning my mum about this.







Well, she is always saying "ahh little li ling is such a chatterbox(ji zha po in chinese) and she can never stop TALKING, unlike now(LOL >.<)".







Sometimes i will ask myself this too.







Why am i so different in the past and now?







Whenever i hear my mum say this, i will ask her what i am like when i am young(actually part of my past i cannot remember *i think i knock my head too many times LOL*) like a description.







Then she will happily go ahead and say like the incident that happened today.







"Oh, you ah, when you were young, very cute de loh, talk non stop, that`s why your grandma and your aunt dotes on you so much." she said.







Then i asked "Then my bro leh?He not like this meh?"







She replied "No lah, he zi bi(retardation or those mute kind of kid) one.







I thought i was just like the other kids when they were young loh.







But my mum said i am different, i am different from my cousins too(they were more quiet types).







Even my younger cousin got once told me about this, then she still say her dad which is my uncle got took video of how we were like when we were young(when i heard what she said i was like embarassed max).







My mum still told me some funny stories.







She said there was once chinese new year, i will see the oranges very nice and then secretly put it in my pocket one by one LOL.







She said i still thought nobody knows when my uncle, aunt and my mum was watching me wondering why i am like that.







Then it got me wondering "why i make myself like a theif?There sure got oranges to eat de ma."







Then my mum said i used to like to play pranks and once tried to make her trip LOL.







The most funny part is when my mum said when i am bathing, i will order my elder cousin to get those bathroom toys like those rubber duckie kind and also towel etc.







Then i will spend my time placing all the items nicely in the bathtub floating.







My mum was like saying why couldn`t i get those items prepared before going to bath and it is ALWAYS i got my cousin to get them for me like queen like that.







Now i think back i feel bad.







She always said i am daring, dare to go to a stranger naked bangla house to ask him for help to help my grandma open the door and even dare borrow money from teacher LOL.







Aiya still got more lah.







So embarrassed man.







But the way my mum described it is like damm funny to me because i am way different from back then.







I wonder why i was so weird yet hyper yet daring too =\.







Come to think of it, those traits still exists but i don`t show out.







Everytime i am with someone, i will tend to want to play pranks on them or want to make them embarrassed and i an chio within.







Now i am less talkative as i am afraid that once i start talking, i won`t stop.







But however, most importantly why i changed is i am afraid of gossips, like people judging you and giving negative comments about you etc.







I remembered being criticized for being over-talkative.







Yeah, my mum, relatives and bestfriends do love me for being hyperactive, talkative as they love me for who i am, but sometimes i really do not like all these "comments".







Even though i seem to not care, but sometimes i just cannot help thinking about it.







Sometimes i do care about how people think of me.







In the past, i don`t and never did but maybe because now i am more insecure than before.







Maybe that is why i will feel this way.







However, these won`t affect me for long.







Worst things have happened to me so this is just small case, i can get over it.







I wonder why i am a pieces, shouldn`t pieces be the quiet type?(my friends are like this).







I wonder where i got my thick skin from hahas.







Seriously i do kind of dislike my thick skinness.







It does hurt me sometimes due to some things that happened.







Hey, but i do believe in being honest and sincere.







So if i say anything harsh to you, i am definately not against you, but i speak nothing but the truth.







That is why the truth hurts sometimes, but i prefer hearing the truth.







After this incident.







I realised it is not i wanted to be a more positive and optimistic person.







The reality is i already am.







Just that i did not realised and that is what is bothering me.







What is bothering me is my optimistism that gave negative impact on me.







So is that why i tried to be a negative person to have another aspect point of view?







The questions marks remained in my head.











I wonder what hurts the most?







Is it love?







Lack of attention?







Friendship?



Trust?







Fear of being outcasted or disliked?







All stems from the word L.O.V.E and R.E.L.A.T.I.O.N.S.H.I.P with people no matter how i look at it.











On a happy note or stress note, i still have school and fyp tomorrow nights.







Thanks issac, hui shan, xue li and rowena for being such good team members.







I did not do much and i am still kind of confused about certain stuffs but i will try my best to work harder.







No slacking off!







I must get this into my head.







*Chants* hahas.