Lately i have been doing much self-thinking.

I have been doing it like most of the time but i don`t blog it out or i don`t say it out.

Well, for today i want to share my thoughts as well as awareness to the world.

I know most people say that i look childish, irresponsible(yes i don`t deny that), innocent, stubborn and naive.

But then, i may look childish and young-looking but actually a really old matured soul lives inside this child-like face.

What has been on my mind this few days are things like "how to make this world a better place".
I know i am not in the position and neither am i capable of doing so because my soul isn`t exactly free.

"Free" meaning no restriction, no desires as i do have some "grudges" lingering inside of me.

I feel that everybody has it, unless the person learns and comprehends the word "forgiveness".

Lastly, i find myself happier because i am seeing the "hey, it isn`t that hard to forgive and free your mind of negative thoughts and trust issues".

However, i am not 100% free of it though.

I still find it hard to trust people.

When i give in total trust in a person, the person ALWAYS disappoints me.

However, if there if i linger a certain doubt about a situation, things turn out just fine.

How ironic.

That is why i kind of cultivate the master of "self-thinking".

I called it self-thinking and not self-meditation because eh it doesn`t do much help relieving LOL.

But it helps me in understanding certain stuffs and situations.

Ok i suggest you don`t try it unless your heart and mind is strong enough.

It is hard to control negative thoughts from overpowering you and might cause some self-damage.(I read from websites that negative thinking can lead to alcohol, drugs etc.).

Maybe usually my thoughts aren`t negative, neither is it positive either but more a philosophical kind of view.

Whereas people usually think about themselves OR others other than themselves.

Well, for me is i do think about my OWN welfare like a lot >.< and also the world at large.

That is why i tend to neglect my friends and family welfare sometimes from their reaction >.<.

Basically i don`t tend to think of them as i don`t see them like in need of something eg. help or attention.

Unless they come to speak to me about it or else how will i know?

LOL =x.
After said all this well my conclusion is, i really want to do something for the less fortunate society but i don`t know how to.

As i have seen like many of those corupted people who takes advantage of situations like donations when they pocketted the money themselves >:(!

That is why i aspire to become a good pharmacist to help people in their health(Physical) but (i know i am not really cut out for it >.<) and also an entertainer to entertain people to keep them happy and free of stress(Psychologically).

But first, i must be strong enough to be capable to do such things.

I may not have experienced much pain in my life(does not mean i don`t have painful/sad moments) but i manage to overcome them.

In my opinion, everyone has a right to be happy and loved.

That is because i have been loved and blessed, by my friends and my family, i learnt to be contented with what i have rather than complaining about what i lack(It is hard i know).

Well how do i know if i have achieve it?

Well, it is because i am a much happier person now, not really that happy as in HAPPY in caps but more of um FREEDOM.

I have a greater understanding of what i want, what i desire and what i have to gain greater awareness.

To channel all the negative to constructive learning, insight and experience.

I also find it hard to bear grudges though, it is really tiring but sometimes you cannot help to.



So lastly, happiness is not a destination.

It is a method of life.